Chapter Two

The next thing I know is that when I opened my eyes there was light. There was a purple glow to it and it was because of when I was in sixth grade, I painted it purple. I knew now that it was my room, and I must have gotten some sleep. I don't even remember what had happened. At least I somehow managed to climb up the stairs and walk down the hallway into my room, or so I think.

I rolled over in my bed to find the bright glaring light of six forty AM.

"Great," I mumbled. I needed to take a shower and find clothes in less that twenty minutes.

It isn't that I really care about what I look like. I don't go for all the over priced clothes and the makeup that makes you look like some type of slut. I just need to look decent, I don't need anyone knowing what really goes on. My personal life is personal, of course.

Okay, well actually, I have two personal lives. One being when I see my friends. I mean, I don't really have that many friends. I talk to them in school, but I barely see them out of there unless it is some special occasion. Even then, I can't let them know what happens in my other personal life.

I make my way towards the bathroom noting that the radio alarm clock in my parents room is blasting some type of music, but I ignore it. No one is usually up before me. When I walk into the bathroom, I make sure that the door connecting my parents room to the bathroom is closed. I find it funny how that was probably planned, but for different intentions. I close the other one that goes to the hall, and turn the shower on.

As I wait for the water to warm up, I look at myself again in the mirror. I don't even understand why I put myself through so much pain. Why do I make myself look at this horrible thing? I can't let myself cry though, I think. Once you start crying, you don't stop because you can't. Then it just shows that you are weak, and that is what they want.

So, I decide to stay tough and stop my lower lip from quivering. I make myself look down at the tile as I walk towards the shower door and open it.



I never remember anything the moment I step into the shower. I tend to always blank it out, have myself forget about it. I never used to be like that though, but then again I could be wrong. It has been like this for so long, that it is hard to believe that it was anything different. In my gut, I feel as if it was different. That certain things didn't happen like this, that I was an okay child.

I am not a child anymore. And, I know that I am anywhere from okay.

I am in my room now and putting my wet hair into a pony tail. I grab a pair of jeans and a long oversized black shirt and as I put those on, I try to remember the last time I had my shoes on so I can find them again.

When I find them hidden under my bed, I put my socks and then them on. I race through the hallway, down the stairs, and then in the garage. I push the button for the garage to open, and grab a water while I wait. Once I step out into the driveway, I push the button again to close it and start to walk towards the school.

Chapter One

I awoke to nothing. There was the silence that I had learned to like, and there was the darkness. Even after so many years the darkness had still bothered me. It held everything that I was afraid of, especially the unknowing. I didn't know whether or not someone or something would sneak up on me. I didn't know where I was, or what was going on. The silence was different. It held a sort of mesmerizing atmosphere that was full of purity. It wasn't something I could explain to someone who didn't know what it was like to lay in silence and darkness for hours. This setting was never to be explained, because no one deserved this. It was the setting that one only heard in the news.

However, I awoke and the problem was once again I didn't know where I was. I used to lay there and just wait until someone came. I realized that wasn't the right way to approach this situation because sometimes I would lay here for hours, days. I don't know how much time would pass, but the longer it was, the more annoyed the person would be.

So, what I decided to do this time was slide my body across the floor until I could feel the wall. It was familiar, and I recognized that it was the cold tiled siding of the downstairs bathroom. This was an advantage to me that everything had happened in the bathroom this time. It was better then crawling and realizing that I was outside in the swamp, or somewhere that I had not known.

I pulled myself up and my legs were bare and stiff. My feet slugged across the tile and then the warm green rug. I flicked on the light and turned to my right as I saw the figure in the full length mirror. This figure looked horrible. The long hair was all ratted and the blue eyes on the face held small dark ovals under them. The figure was completely naked, exposing the bruises that flowered off into different areas around it's chest and thighs.

I knew this figure well because I saw it in every mirror I looked at, it travelled with me everywhere. It was me I suppose, but it wasn't at the same time. I didn't like to think of myself as the figure I saw. I wanted to be a cat actually. I wanted to have fur and long pretty whiskers. I wanted to have paws that would be able to claw at someone if they upset me. I wanted sharp cat teeth to be able to bite someone if I needed to.

There were two options that I could choose from. I could stay in the bathroom and wait until someone told me it was okay to come out. I liked this option because I would have time to myself. The other option was to leave the bathroom and figure out what time it was. I had school in the morning and I knew I had to go, no matter what happened. I had to become an adult with my choices and I had to take control of my actions.

So, I slowly turned the knob on the door and pushed very carefully as it creaked open.

After what seemed like two minutes, the door was open just well enough to see the clock that was against the opposite wall. It was small and it showed to be about four thirty. I assumed that it was in the morning because there was no light shinning through the glass windows, and the house was silent besides the breathing of the dogs. I couldn't let the dogs bark. I knew if they started barking I would be in trouble. I couldn't let them bark, but I didn't know how to stop them. They seemed to be asleep, but I wouldn't be able to know for sure.

I decided to be tough like I said I was and slowly walked out onto the cold hard floor. Everything seemed to be quiet, and my mind seemed to relax a little. It has always been hard for me to not be looking out for danger. It seemed to show up everywhere, even in the places I least expected it. I think I was always so startled when it would happen because I don't understand how people can justify what they do. Either way, I was never fully unaware of my surroundings, no matter how much I wish I could be.

The next task that I had to complete was as to whether I was going to go upstairs and go straight into my room, or find him.