I awoke to nothing. There was the silence that I had learned to like, and there was the darkness. Even after so many years the darkness had still bothered me. It held everything that I was afraid of, especially the unknowing. I didn't know whether or not someone or something would sneak up on me. I didn't know where I was, or what was going on. The silence was different. It held a sort of mesmerizing atmosphere that was full of purity. It wasn't something I could explain to someone who didn't know what it was like to lay in silence and darkness for hours. This setting was never to be explained, because no one deserved this. It was the setting that one only heard in the news.
However, I awoke and the problem was once again I didn't know where I was. I used to lay there and just wait until someone came. I realized that wasn't the right way to approach this situation because sometimes I would lay here for hours, days. I don't know how much time would pass, but the longer it was, the more annoyed the person would be.
So, what I decided to do this time was slide my body across the floor until I could feel the wall. It was familiar, and I recognized that it was the cold tiled siding of the downstairs bathroom. This was an advantage to me that everything had happened in the bathroom this time. It was better then crawling and realizing that I was outside in the swamp, or somewhere that I had not known.
I pulled myself up and my legs were bare and stiff. My feet slugged across the tile and then the warm green rug. I flicked on the light and turned to my right as I saw the figure in the full length mirror. This figure looked horrible. The long hair was all ratted and the blue eyes on the face held small dark ovals under them. The figure was completely naked, exposing the bruises that flowered off into different areas around it's chest and thighs.
I knew this figure well because I saw it in every mirror I looked at, it travelled with me everywhere. It was me I suppose, but it wasn't at the same time. I didn't like to think of myself as the figure I saw. I wanted to be a cat actually. I wanted to have fur and long pretty whiskers. I wanted to have paws that would be able to claw at someone if they upset me. I wanted sharp cat teeth to be able to bite someone if I needed to.
There were two options that I could choose from. I could stay in the bathroom and wait until someone told me it was okay to come out. I liked this option because I would have time to myself. The other option was to leave the bathroom and figure out what time it was. I had school in the morning and I knew I had to go, no matter what happened. I had to become an adult with my choices and I had to take control of my actions.
So, I slowly turned the knob on the door and pushed very carefully as it creaked open.
After what seemed like two minutes, the door was open just well enough to see the clock that was against the opposite wall. It was small and it showed to be about four thirty. I assumed that it was in the morning because there was no light shinning through the glass windows, and the house was silent besides the breathing of the dogs. I couldn't let the dogs bark. I knew if they started barking I would be in trouble. I couldn't let them bark, but I didn't know how to stop them. They seemed to be asleep, but I wouldn't be able to know for sure.
I decided to be tough like I said I was and slowly walked out onto the cold hard floor. Everything seemed to be quiet, and my mind seemed to relax a little. It has always been hard for me to not be looking out for danger. It seemed to show up everywhere, even in the places I least expected it. I think I was always so startled when it would happen because I don't understand how people can justify what they do. Either way, I was never fully unaware of my surroundings, no matter how much I wish I could be.
The next task that I had to complete was as to whether I was going to go upstairs and go straight into my room, or find him.
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